she walks through the hall. thin, beautiful, and smart. everyone looks at her as she walks past, i walk up the stairs, tall and not super thin, i trip up the stairs. i look at my phone: no new messages. i wear the same brands as her, why dont people look at me. i dont have her elegance. in class i am unfocused and sometimes confused. sometimes i am the super smart one, instead of people liking that, they think i am weird. i say something but it comes out dumb. on the occasion that i actually speak up. i think of them and feel anger that they left me like this. what did i ever do. i am not nearly as skinny as her - i think to myself as she passes me. i go to my locker and awkwardly stand at it until the bell rings. group project in class, i work alone, everyone already has their friends. and i never had that. i never had that best friend. the ones i see and wish i had. my mom tells me that i am being unrealistic. but i see it everyday. and i wonder why i am the odd one out. why did they have to leave me so broken, as they think they did nothing. why was i the target. why cant i be skinny, why cant i have so many text messages all the time, why do i have to be awkward and never knowing how to act towards somethings.... why cant i have answers
through the dark, a small voice. there she sat broken. she tried to be herself, and was pushed away again, she had opened up again, not even all the way, and they turned her away. she was different. i told her that someday they will see her the way she truly is, beautiful, outgoing, fun-loving, energetic, bubbly, and everything else that could even begin to describe her. she looked at me with her lonely green eyes and said: " you lie. they will only push away again, they don't want me no one does. i'm unwanted here. unwanted by everyone... just go." another tear slides down her cheek and she just leans against the wall again, and shuts her eyes as more tears escape. i wish i could say more to her. but the depression and anxiety of life has nearly swallowed her whole. just barely is she still living. a tear runs down my cheek as i leave the room. i promise myself never to give up on her, i wont let her go, never will i let her go. she has so much, but she cant see it.
i feel sad, worthless. i have hit a wall, i need help but no providers reach out their hands. i feel alone, i am alone, i missed school, not enough energy to get out of bed. what is wrong with me, why cant i be normal, why cant i fit in with everyone else. i'm the broken puzzle piece that doesn't anywhere. i'm surrounded by the darkness, lying there broken. i have lost my direction in life. i look for help but no help is found. hopelessness is beginning to over come me. i try to fit again against it but it pulls me under. cold, heavy, dark, it takes me under like a harsh wave. i am gasping for air. but the cold dark only pushes harder. suffocating me. i yell for help, but no one comes, what am i to do... i dont know, i think to myself as the darkness settles in for another harsh blow to my mind.... i only hope that someone recuses me before it's too late.
oh she's a dreamer. she wants to be the winner, the winner at the game of life. the one that is remembered. she wants to be loved by the ones she loves. she wants to be perfect but not perfection. she wants to be noticed, but not when she trips. she wants to be accepted by people around her. she wants to fit in with everyone else. she wants to be normal like everyone else, she doesn't want to be the only one somewhere. she doesn't want to be alone. she wants to do as they do. she is sick of being the weird girl. she just wants to blend in, she wants to fit in. she wants him to like her....
...sometimes i just want to cry. i just want to stop time and cry it all out. just give me one day. can we slow down time it's going to fast. i'm getting dizzy slow down the time, things are passing before my eyes. i'm going to cry.
i'll write until i know that i'm on your mind.i want to say something to you but dont know how to put it to words...or how to know your listening.*** i so constantly lie to myself over you and i feel so ridiculous and so confused. like i dont know whats really happening... *sigh****and i'm the type of girl that tries not to like you but in the end i fall harder for you ♥... even if i am still trying not to.... it just happens... *sigh*.......and now you know, and now it's out there. but why you... ..why now......... not before........ not then.?i have know clue why. what did you think of me that day in June. i wanna know.what was it about me.i'll tell you what i thought......***just saying that. can we talk, for real. do you remember, those 3 days.a conversation.because i am running out of words.something that just doesn't happen to meand you we both know that. ***what do i say to convince you??? because i'll keep asking, and trying until i do. 
and you know i will... you and i both.***so just talk. for more than two minutes. a real conversation, between two people, with a history, that wasn't perfect. so just reply please please please. *travels back in time to 2nd grade times* pretty please with a cherry on top. *looks in eyes* a conversation, a real conversation.
Posts
All Comments
